I had a good friend who analyzed some of my statuses to try to make light of the underlying theme that ran through my writings
Below is my response:
I’ve never articulated my philosophy, neither in writing nor speech, but I began taking a look at my writings, mostly my personal correspondences, journals, etc., and the very little that I’ve begun putting up on Facebook. The following is really the essence of my emotions and understanding of life, which, consequently, seeps into and influences my writing:
I have a love for the drama of ideas; in particular I am enamored by paradox. My writings are filled with propositions that, despite reasoning from acceptable premises, lead to a conclusion that seems senseless. E.g. the pleasure and pain of love, the beauty and agony of memory, the tragedy yet hope of comedy, etc. What attracts me to these formulations of ideas is I see life entirely as a paradox. Everything should have never been but is. We cannot deny the reality of reality and no matter how much we understand, our understanding will always be shrouded in mystery. Why should there be anything at all? Not just life, but existence itself? I stand at awe at creation and yet I’m also terrified by it.
The binaries that run through my writing revolve around my perception of the world. Anybody sensitive to life, no matter how religious you are, will see life as tragic. It hurts to think that all will end, that you will end, and that people you love most will leave you. My writings have a sense of melancholy to it, precisely because life is devastating. Yet, also, someone who is sensitive to life will also see the breath-taking beauty of life. Life is exquisitely gorgeous and rich. All the emotions, intentions, actions, sensations, perceptions, oh gosh – there’s so much – and it’s so grand. The beauty of existence is so piercing and penetrating that it’s too much to bear when you try to even bear a fraction of it.
I do not deny the tragedy or beauty of existence. Validating both perspectives in the mind and in your life creates an inner tension that at times makes life very difficult. As a child I had a very difficult time making sense of my thoughts and emotions. When my mom would put me to sleep I would stay up at night thinking about death. I couldn’t stop and I didn’t understand why my mom and dad had to die – every night it killed me a little bit inside.
I grew older and it was only with my foray with Torah that I began to formulate a healthy philosophy of life that was true to reality: the pain and beauty of existence. I’ve come a long way and yet I’m so behind. I can stand chaos in any avenue of life except my thoughts. If they are not organized then I collapse. Yet Torah has also taught me to deal with uncertainty, which is the fate of humanity. Along my journey I have found writing to be a powerful release of my emotions and inner tensions, and it’s really an honor, a supreme joy, when I have someone who understands my perceptions and shares my emotions.
So thank you Nima.
2014